"You can't always get what you want...."

      I will never forget the first time I saw it.....tall, sturdy, shiny. A chair unlike any I had seen before. It was Babiest Girls first sporting event at the Fancy Pants school. I schlepped my ancient, raggedy foldy chair (Truly, I was just carrying the chair, because the case had disintegrated the year before) over to the spot where the other Mothers were sitting. And there it was.....taller than your average foldy chair - it looked like a super sturdy directors chair, with side tables that folded up, to hold your drink, your phone, your book, your keys...AND it came equipped with a super cool strap, so once you folded it up, you didn't have to fight with it to get it in the damned carrying bag, you just put it over your shoulder and sauntered away to the car.  "WHERE did you get that?!", I said to my new friend....I determined then and there, that by the next sporting season, I would have one too. That was Babiest Girls Freshman year. I have schlepped the shabby rusty blue chair to every game since....she is a rising Senior.

   Don't get me wrong....I have shopped for one for YEARS! Every time I see one, I get that itchy, twitchy feeling in my fingers....that covetous desire to have one for my own. Yet when it comes down to it, each time, I can not justify spending that kind of money on a foldy chair.

  A few weeks ago, I spotted one at the TJMaxx.   RED!! With the cutest little pop up side tables and fancy attached carrying strap that you have ever seen. I slipped one on to give it a test go. Oh....it felt good. Layed in just the right spot on my shoulder....nice and light. THAT'S IT!! I would splurge big and purchase one for my Silent Retreat....Oh, I could already see myself sitting on the beach with this beauty.....regal in my solitude, on my foldy Red Throne with the pop up side tables.

   As soon as I get paid, I told myself - that chair is MINE. Payday rolled around, and I was the first customer in the store when it opened. The heavenly light came down....the angels sang...there was one Red chair left. It was folded up, leaning against a large summer porch cooler. "Maybe I better unfold it, just to make sure I can get it open and closed", I thought to myself. (I am smart that way). It opened like a dream, and as I stood there admiring it's Redness, I decided to sneak a sit down. It would be my first time sitting in the glorious chair. I set my purse on the floor, and eased myself down into Nirvana......It took me a moment for the ugly, unthinkable truth to sink in....."Wait a minute", my brain said to my covetous dark heart...."This......this is not right. What is that bar pressing into my hip? Why is there no back support? WHY is this the most uncomfortable chair EVER?"

   And just like that....my dream of the fancy shiny chair faded and turned to black. After all of these years.....WHY?! HOW could this be?

   My first day on the beach, I schlepped my ancient blue chair (Resting in a case stolen from Johns old blue chair) down the steps and onto the sand....I struggled with the damned carrying bag....finally got Methuselah  out and unfolded. I put my seltzer water in the floppy, worn little cup holder in the arm rest, and sunk down .....into perfection - The chair back resting at just the right spot at the top of my head, shielding me from the sun and cradling my neck  - My arms in perfect resting alignment - My hiney wonderfully comfy in the permanent dip of the seat. 

   My perch was not the Regal Red throne of my dreams, but it was exactly what was required. Deep Breath in......and exhale. As I started the first of my meditations, a variation of a song danced in my brain...."You can't always get what you want.....but if you try some times....you find you have what you need."