For better or worse - but never for granted....

    It was a long trip home from Nashville. We had just spent four days packed with laughter filled, frenzied, joyous, Wedding preparation - celebrating the marriage of my youngest niece to her one true love. I did lots of things to try to stay awake (I have to help John drive from my perch in the passenger seat, you know....). I sang at the top of my lungs, I swapped funny stories with the kids (all three of them - even College boy was truant for a few days!), I played the "If I could go on any dream vacation, I would go to _____" game in my head, caught a couple of daydreams, and still I managed to doze off once or twice.We stopped for awhile, when we dropped College Boy off on his side of the mountain - we ate some supper, exchanged hugs and kisses, and set back on the road to home, one passenger lighter. It was on that stretch of road, the one that has become so familiar to us, that I started in on the heavy thinking. Replaying memories of the Bride - as a toddler, as a young, exceedingly active girl, as a teen full of angst - My favorite memory was the most recent - that of her beautiful face, as I handed her the wedding bouquet that I had made. The bouquet that I had dreamed and fretted about for months - what the composition should be - the colors - the flowers. Endless nights of just before sleep planning...hours on Pinterest (yeah, well - that one is not such a hardship), all of it was worth it - for that one instant - the look on her face - the love and excitement....priceless, and never to be forgotten. Naturally, my thoughts then strayed to my other nieces....I have done the wedding flowers for two of the three, and I sang at all of their weddings...I was then poleaxed to remember that I had sung for both of my nephews as well - not for their weddings, but for their funerals. Both ends of the emotional spectrum - both a part of the circle of life. Funerals and Weddings - pinnacles of emotions - both tremendous catalysts to take stock of your life.        How much we take for granted.
   As we rode, I thought about things that I hoped I would never take for granted.....there were the usual suspects - family, home, work that I love - but I now have some new things in my life - things I hope I will appreciate every single day that I am blessed to have them - like no pain.....like being able to get out of a chair or sofa without relying on the nearby table to pull myself up....like having a mind that is clear and focused....like having enough energy to work late into the night, and wake up at the crack of dawn ready to begin again....like not having to lay down after a trip to the grocery store....like looking in my closet and knowing that everything in it is too big (with the exception of the new wedding dresses and 2 other shirts I bought to get me through the next couple of sizes, and a few really old, beloved items that I have hung in plain site to motivate me to once again be able to put them on my body).
   In the interest of full disclosure - I. ate. wedding. cake....and fries....and Texas Toast.....and biscuits...and maybe a few pieces of chocolate off of the candy bar at the wedding.....and Coke...I drank one Coke, and to my delight and my disgust, it tasted like Fletchers Castoria - you know, that Childrens Laxative that our Mothers gave us back in the 60's. At the end of four days I regained four pounds. Yet here we are....four days later, and I have lost those four. I like the symmetry of the whole thing Four days, four pounds gained....four days, four pounds lost. But most of all, I like that I was able to go right back to my diet....and yes, it is a diet - not a "lifestyle change" (that is the second phase of this process) I didn't think, as I would have previously, "Oh well...I blew it, I might as well keep on eating". I thought instead "This was one of lifes great joys - celebrating with family over food....and cake....and steak and biscuits - a life event to be treasured and enjoyed to the fullest". These past four days have also been an event to be treasured - to eat bacon, and kale chips, and Almond Milk, and Cauliflower - for supper AND for breakfast, cause I swear it tasted just like the Cracker Barrel Hashbrown Casserole.To realize that I am stronger than I was before. I remain optimistic that I can see this to the end - to regain my health, to look better, and most of all - to feel better. For better, for worse - but never for granted!
  

Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead.....

  A friend of mine posted a before and after photo on his FaceBook page a few days ago (the picture was not of him, but of a lady who had switched to "clean eating" )....the caption was "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead". Even as I chuckled, it spoke to me. These last 4 years have been brutal on my body. Comfort eating, worry eating, stress eating...you name it - I have been guilty of it.....I was Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead.
   About four weeks ago, I went shopping for an outfit for my nieces wedding...all day..... encompassing two cities....nothing. I fell in love with two things, but one wouldn't even button, and the other - well, it's best not to even think about it, it looked so hideous. At the end of the day, I was exhausted. My knees and hips hurt so badly I limped from the car to the house, and barely made it to the sofa. As I laid on the sofa, a calm voice inside my head whispered, "This. must. stop." Three little words....so quiet...so simple. And in that moment, I took a raw, honest inventory of my person. I had constant pain, my energy level was non-existent. I was constantly covered in a blanket of malaise. My mind felt foggy - all the time.....muddy and so very sad. In the deepest recesses of my heart, I feared that the best of my life was behind me, and that nothing was before me.....Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead........."This. must. stop."
     The day after the shopping fiasco, I started the Atkins Diet. Many years ago, I had great success with Atkins - it was familiar, so I decided what the heck, let's go with that. Let me say, that the first week was much rougher this go round. I had terrible sugar withdrawals. On day 3 and 4 I was in such rough shape I didn't even leave the house. My family gave me a wide, yet supportive berth. On day five, I woke up a different person. My mind was crystal clear...I had energy to spare! My knees didn't hurt - no pain in my back or hip. At the risk of sounding hokey, it was nothing short of miraculous.
     It is now three weeks and 4 days since I started my diet, and I have lost 20 pounds. Both of the catalyst outfits are hanging in my closet - two sizes smaller than I wore on that fateful day of shopping....one for the rehearsal - one for the wedding. I bound out of bed in the morning, not dreading the day, but embracing it. I can now take the steps foot over foot, instead of the Grandma way of both feet on each step..... I. have. no. pain. My skin looks five years younger. All of my clothes are indecently big....I can bend over and pick things up off of the floor. I have discovered a love of  home made Kale Chips, roasted broccoli, and water. Do you know how many good "no carb" recipes you can find on Pinterest?
   For me.....sugar is poison. I know I have a long way to go, but I am now a quarter of the way there, and I already feel like a different person. I am praying, every day, for the strength and commitment to make a permanent lifestyle change. Maybe one day, I will be able to eat sugar in moderation, like normal people... but if not, I will gladly swap the Cokes and all the rest for the ability to feel like I do now....clear headed and hopeful....a much better alternative to Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead.