Her little feet were dancing. There she was, being a good, big girl - holding on to the side of the grocery cart like Mama must have told her to. But she undoubtedly had music in her 4 year old soul that she couldn't contain. Mama had her hands full, and I noticed several things at once. She had 2 buggies full of the cutest stairstep children. The youngest were with her, and the older ones were in a cart pushed by the eldest brother - perhaps 10 or 12 years old - big and burly for his age.. From a distance I could see that he was making his charges laugh as they sat in the buggy. I had two simultaneous thoughts.....He is a good big Brother - entertaining his siblings, and That is a large family not wearing masks....As they drew closer to me, I heard Mama loudly complaining about the lack of goods, the dancing curly headed cherub smiled at me, and I gained awareness of Big Brother's antics.
You see.....he was engaging his younger siblings by leaning into fellow shoppers, coughing on them and saying "Oh, I got choked on air". As each person passed him, he would repeat the action and words. Now, on the one hand, I was relieved to know that I can still stop a misbehaving child in his tracks with one glance(and a masked, half face glance at that!) - He did not cough on me. On the other hand, I was undone by what I had witnessed. He was coughing on people. For entertainment. For meanness. The younger children in his charge seemingly familiar with the sport of it were getting immense enjoyment out of it.
Children learn by example. It is not too far a stretch to surmise that this boys behavior has been modeled and perhaps encouraged by the adults in his life.
I headed to the checkout. I was not finished shopping, but I could not continue. Tears streaming down my cheeks into the soft flowerdy cotton of my mask, I stood, head bowed as my favorite cashier rung me out. "You ok today?" she gently asked....I could only shake my head.
What are we doing?
We mock science. We have lost sight of the greater good. We the people have turned into Me the people.
I am undone. I despair today. And most days, if I am being honest. I do not recognize this place and space that we currently inhabit. In these days I have learned things about strangers, friends and family that I would rather not know....could never have imagined or believed. I am often left asking how this can be. I feel I can not adequately guide Ivy League Man, Baby Girl and Babiest, because I can barely guide myself in this minefield of madness. Breathing is made difficult by a body that feels like petrified wood.....and Children are coughing on shoppers for sport.
By this time, I know God is tired of me. The constant conversation I carry on with Her has got to be getting on the sanctified last nerve. It is a never ending story, where I unburden my aching heart, harangue, tattle, plead and grieve with an incredulity that colors every prayer. I am tired of me. And Adults are teaching Children to hate and mock and cough on Grocery shoppers on Senior Citizen Day for sport.
Her little feet were dancing, and there must have been music in her soul. Her Brother was coughing on people....what replaced the music in his soul?
My feet drag and shuffle. I am weary. Worried. Tired. In Pain.....what has replaced the music in my soul?
"Set our feet on lofty places, Gird our lives that they may be. Armored with all Christ like graces In the fight to set men free. Grant us Wisdom, Grant us courage For the living of these days....for the living of these days" This is the last verse to one of my favorite hymns....it's a bit of a dirge, but I love it....And truer words were never sung - we need some serious Girding for the Living of These Days....Come on....let's sing it together.....may it be our prayer.
