I had a coupon. And the flyer showed a sale, plus - a shirt on the cover that I thought I might like. I woke up bright and early and said -"Today's the day". You see - Friday is my day off and NONE of my clothes fit. I have some really old items that I have pulled out of boxes, but none of them are summer things...you get the picture. I pulled on some jeans (you don't even want to know how I keep them up!), an ancient black embroidered peasant blouse, my red walking sandals and over to the next town I went (Seeing as how the flyer was for JCPennys, and we lost our Pennys last year) - to the BIG mall.. Going to the mall has lost it's luster for me over the years - Fat lady clothes are ugly - nothing ever fits - everything is so expensive - I could go on, but I will spare you. Today, however, in light of my 30 pound weight loss, I figured I might snag SOMETHING...and as previously stated, I had a coupon! I pulled into the parking lot, excited about my mall time - all by myself! No Forever 21 or Claires or PacSun for me - nope, just stores I wanted to go in.....just me!
I entered the dressing room, loaded for bear. They, of course, did NOT have the shirt featured on the cover of the sale flyer - but I found a number of suitable options. Amazingly....everything fit...or was too big! Doing the happy dance, I reached for the next to last item. Just as I had it halfway over my head, the lady in the dressing room next to mine put her cell phone on speaker. From her one sided conversation I had already surmised that she was talking to her one true love, and that they were headed out of town for the weekend.I can only hope that in her fervor, she didn't realize she had pushed the speaker button - because what transpired next had no place in the Fat Ladies dressing room at the JC Penneys! (Or in ANY dressing room for that matter!) The boyfriend on the other end of the phone proceeded to explain to my dressing room neighbor - in excruciating detail,(And, unfortunately and inadvertently to me and everybody else within shouting distance) - just how many ways till Sunday he was going to take care of her....you know....in the carnal, pornographic kind of way...Let me just say, that I'm not sure I have ever even heard of some of the things he was suggesting - there I stood, hands over my head - pretty green shirt halfway on - frozen to the spot. What to do?! Should I speak up, and let her know that her steamy little confab was going out on the open airwaves?! Should I run out of the dressing room (after I finished putting the green shirt on) and get a salesclerk to attend to the problem? NO - I did what any 52 year old red blooded American woman would do....I sat down on the little bench, rocked back and forth with both hands over my mouth, and shook with laughter - silent, so as not to disturb the mood! Lord have MERCY, what a hoot I had - and, if truth be told, I also got an education on the current sexual practices of today's young couples!
I was dying to catch a glimpse of the woman who could inspire such passion from a disembodied male voice, but it was not to be. I left the dressing room, used my coupon, made my purchases (I bought the green shirt, and will always remember the circumstances under which I tried it on - every time I wear it!), and journeyed deep into retail heaven. In one store, out the next...I discovered that I am really between sizes - and celebrated the victory of three and one half sizes smaller! I went into Dillards, and tried things on that weren't even on sale - just for fun! After a couple of hours, my dogs were barking, and my stomach was rumbling - so I meandered up to the food court. As the escalator made it's way to the top, I suddenly realized that I might be in trouble. Sbarro's pizza? Nope.....Subway.....Nope. That Baked Potato place that I love.....nope. Let's just say that a Mall Food Court is not exactly Atkins friendly! I solved the problem by walking past all of the places handing out chicken samples (None of whom would sell me just the meat without the rice and noodles at a lesser charge), and taking a couple from each place (Heck - they offered, I just accepted). And there you have it - a yummy protein filled lunch on the go - at no charge! A few sips from the water fountain, and I was once again pounding the pavement. Headed for the Belks, I passed a kiosk that sells those insanely priced flat irons. This is of note, because in all of the times that I have walked past this little place in the last 10 years, never once has anyone given me any notice. Not even when I stopped to look at the product. Today, a young foreign man said "lookin' good lady - let me give you a free hairdo.....do you use flat iron? Hey lady....." I smiled and said "Thanks, no...." and he pursued me "aww, c'mon....." "No - really - I don't want a free hairdo, but thanks." As I continued walking, I thought back to the perfume counter at Dillards, and the make up counter - and in every store I went in today....people were anxious to help me, WANTED to wait on me. In the last few years, I have had to practically BEG salespeople to help me when I was looking for a certain item, or had a question, or even wanted to pay.....and with that realization, I got mad. Because the difference between today, and all of the other times can be tallied in pounds - 30 of them. And as I started to stew, it occurred to me that things had changed in other places too....my butcher at the Teeter no longer calls me Dearie. Last week, he called me the pretty chicken lady ( I know....I buy WAY too much chicken), and one of the teenaged cashiers commented yesterday -"Hey, cool necklace". A nice complement, unless you factor in how many times I have worn that same necklace in her line over the last two years, and she never took note. In my insular world, it never occurred to me that I was invisible - or worse: visible and ignored....and here's the kicker...I'm still fat....I'm just not nearly So fat....evidently, as discriminatory practices go - there must be levels...you know - "would one of you please step off the scales" fat, stuffed sausage fat, pleasantly fat, and so on.....My anger was tempered by the feel of the bags in my hand - proof positive of my progress. It reminded me that I am not responsible for other peoples views - I can't change anyone but me....and I am changing - day by day, minute by minute. Today I passed up Baskin Robbins Ice Cream, The Cookie Shop, and the big Candy Store. Today, I looped the mall not once but three times (three floors), and didn't even breathe hard. Today, I overheard the phone call of a lifetime. Today, I bought some cute clothes that should tide me over until, pray God, I loose the next 30 pounds. As I walked back to my car, I did so with visions of my next visit to the mall...when I might just not even have to shop in the Fat Lady Department (God willing). The sky was a bright Carolina Blue, the temperature was perfect, and the wind (which is my favorite thing) was whipping - I rode home with all the windows down....it's a good thing I didn't take that cute fella up on his offer of the free hairdo.....I would have ruined it, in my breezy abandon!
