At the Fancy Pants school, the Senior Chorus members (as is tradition) select and stage a number that is meaningful to them, to be performed at their final concert....This year, our Seniors (MY Senior) chose one of my favorites....Seasons of Love, from Rent. Babiest would not divulge what the song would be....not even the slightest hint. My tears started with the first notes of the introduction. From my seat in the darkened auditorium, I felt Babiest Girls' eyes search me out....".Five Hundred TwentyFive Thousand Six Hundred Minutes, how do you measure, measure a year?"
When you plug in the number Two Hundred SixtyTwo Thousand Eight Hundred minutes, it doesn't have quite the same musical ring, but that is what I am singing this morning.....Half of a year. 6 months. 26 weeks. 182 days. 4,368 hours.....262,800 minutes.
Six months ago today, I suffered a series of strokes....9 blood clots to the brain.
I lost my speech, movement on the right side, the ability to formulate clear thoughts, and gained double, distorted vision. I was given tPa - a miracle drug, when it works. Over the course of the next 24 hours, I began moving, engaging in garbled speech, lost the double vision and embarked on my journey with scrambled egg brain.
In the days since, I have celebrated holidays. I have sent a son off to Africa. A Daughter off to Europe. I have returned to work and to working out. I have seen my last child graduate from High School. I have resumed cooking and driving. I have been to the beach and to the mountains. I am the same, yet not. I have learned many things about Stroke/Brain Injury recovery.
I learned, in the early days. what it was like to be dependent on others for everything....and I mean everything. I have learned to say "I would love to, but this time my answer has to be no." I have learned what is like to have difficulty reading, and to have an inability to follow directions - written or spoken. I have learned that there is no shame in an afternoon nap. I have learned about the debilitating nature of post stroke anxiety which strikes with no rhyme or reason and is no respecter of time or place. I have learned to laugh when I can't find the right word, or can't remember when you use the words "sale" or "sell". I have learned that it is ok to ask someone how to pronounce a word, when the word coming out of your mouth doesn't sound right. I have learned that I may have to come to terms with the fact that my singing voice might never return. I have learned that crafting is great physical therapy. I have learned that until the Auto Regulation systems in my brain heal, it is best to hold on to a piece of furniture if you need to bend over. I have learned to make peace with the new bifocals that help me combat the permanent damage to my vision. I have learned that no matter how much I hate it, I am bound to my pill box for the rest of my life. I have learned that I want to live, both in terms of not dying and with regard to the quality of my days. I have learned that there is much to appreciate - even with scrambled egg brain. I have learned that you can find laughter in anything. I have learned that hope is more precious than gold or rubies. I have learned the absolute truth in the little sign I inherited with my office so many years ago..."If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it". I have learned that high doses of Coumadin make you hyper aware of all the ways you could receive a head injury.....free bleeding is not something to take lightly! I have learned (okay...fine, I already knew it) that my Husband and Children are awesome. I have learned that red soft blankets are my favorite.
I have learned that you choose to live and laugh and keep on keepin on, every minute of every day, or you choose to quit....whether you have had a stroke or not.
I have learned that 262,800 minutes is just the beginning...
