My bread won't rise. I've tried heating the oven on low and putting the dough in to rest....I've put a pan of boiling water alongside the dough in the oven - none of my little tricks are working. I hope this doesn't mean my starter has died....maybe it's just the damp cold....maybe the barometric pressure is wonky. I've decided I am going to separate the dough anyway, put it in the loaf pans and try a second rise....the thing about it is - I kind of feel like my dough - I just can't be bothered to rise. Maybe it's this nasty cold I've got .....maybe it's the season of my life....maybe it's all of the changes in the past months, but I sure am ready for a "second rise" - praying that my starter hasn't died.
Here's the thing about living in the same small town you grew up in - you are always running into someone from your past - a friend, a boyfriend, someone you didn't like, parents of your friends.....Yesterday, I was happy to run into the Mother of one of my favorite friends from High School. He grew up and away - living a life of excitement and importance as a Doctor specializing in Infectious Disease - he's been to Africa to research AIDS and new treatment methods, he's worked in major cities all over the U.S....his has been a life of service and difference making, and I have been so proud of him - watching from afar. Yesterday, standing in the cold rain at the entrance to the Teeter, his Mom told me that he has started a new career - left the practice of Medicine for a job in research - she laughed and said that he felt if he was ever going to branch out, it might as well be now. I answered that he was young enough to have a long and successful second career. We said our goodbyes, I turned to take up my grocery bags and was pole axed. I said it....out of my own mouth - "he is young enough to have a long and successful second career".....He. Is. My. Age. I think I faced it for the first time yesterday......I. am. not. old....I just feel old.....like my life is over.....yet my dear friend is young enough to have a successful second career.
His starter appears to be in good working order....mine obviously needs a little nudge.....an oven set to warm, or a pan of boiling water tucked up next to me....but where to find it? How to tweak it, so I rise....not sit in a doughy clump at the bottom of the bowl? The painful truth is - I am old of my own making. Not chronologically....I think of my friend as young enough to start over.....where, then...where am I old? In my thinking? In my heart? In my spirit?
In bread making terms, it is obviously time to feed the starter.......So I turn to you, my friends...how have you done it? Have you ever found yourselves in need of an overhaul? Have you been successful in lifting yourselves up...in tweaking your starter? Do you mind sharing the recipe.....it just so happens I seem to be in need of a new one.
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