I wouldn't exactly call it a slamming on of the brakes....it was more like a moderate, sustained application. At any rate, the result was the same. You see, Baby Growndy Up Girl was driving behind me, as we went in search of the perfect little black skirt for her. As we turned into the parking lot, I was forced to stop rather hurriedly, to avoid hitting the car that without so much as a glance from it's driver pulled straight out of a parking space, right in front of me... then....BOOM. Baby Growndy Up Girl missed the fact that my car was no longer moving, and she rear ended my beautiful Gypsy Rose (recently sprung from the car hospital for the repairs needed as a result of the incident which shall not be named), with the force of something between a bump and a slam. I would argue that it was more of a slam, and less of a bump, seeing as how every muscle in my back and neck has now frozen up and I am in dire need of a muscle relaxer, but be that as it may, we quickly parked and jumped out to asses the damage. Remarkably, neither car bore a scratch, so maybe it WAS more of a bump, and I am just a wuss. After a mild lecture from me on the importance of being alert when driving, and striking out on the black skirt in the Boho store, we headed to the second shop on our list. No black skirt was found, but when we exited, she was the new owner of a cute tee, a new pair of pants and a dress (Happy Early Birthday to my girl). There we parted ways. One big hug and two I love yous later, I headed to my car. I was answering a text - vehicle still in the parking spot, like a good girl - when my phone rang.
It was Baby Growndy Up Girl, and I couldn't tell whether she was laughing, crying or both. I managed to make out the words "I didn't hit another car..." "Well....what did you do then?" I mean really....we had only been apart for a minute - what trouble could she have gotten into?
This might be a good time to insert that BGU Girl has always been a really good sport about the fact that she drives an antiquated boat of a Grandma car...a BUICK for goodness sakes. She calls him Gunter, and is appreciative that he gets her where she needs to go.
"Mom", she gasps...."I was trying to unlock my car...I put the key in the door, but it wouldn't unlock. I took it out, tried again, and then jiggled the door handle. Behind me came this old man's voice". "What the hell are you doing, young lady?!", he shouted. BGU girl was unwittingly trying to break into Grumpy Old Grandpa's car, having mistaken it for her own. "Oh Lordy...what did you do then", I inquired, trying to suppress the belly laugh that was starting deep within. "Well, I just kind of yelped, and ran off", she replied.
As I hung up, convulsing with laughter, I said to myself.....well, sometimes, Karma is a swift mistress - that is her payback for hitting my car and causing these spasms in my back.(OK, fine...I will own up to it - perhaps not the most Motherly of responses)
Off I went to the Teeter. Produce was my first stop. The aisles were full of people pushing buggies back and forth, jamming the up and down sides, going the wrong way and stalling in the middle....OH NO!! I silently began berating myself....this is THURSDAY....I try to avoid the Teeter like the plague on Thursday because it is SENIOR SHOPPING DAY. I always leave angry on Thursday, because in the last year, the Cashiers have taken to automatically giving me the senior discount - without even inquiring as to my date of birth...the Senior Discount is for people 60 and OVER. I am nowhere NEAR that....alright, FINE...I am not quite there YET.
I took a calming breath and persevered. I wanted the Pork Loin that was on Special, and I needed some cream for my coffee....and Asparagus to go with the Pork Loin. The required items being secured, I headed to the checkout. I scanned the Cashiers. I selected the kind looking new girl. I anxiously watched the register screen....and AAUUUUGGGGGHHHH....there it was. The discount....she entered it without so much as batting an eye - and I was wearing my best tie dye shirt and super cute earrings! To add insult to injury, as she put the last bag back in the buggy, she said it. "Can we take these to your car, DEAR?". Before I could utter a terse No THANK you, the Malibu Barbie that was unloading her kombucha and Kale in the neighboring lane fixed me with a knowing smile (displaying blindingly perfect white teeth) and gave me a cock of a perfectly manicured eyebrow as if to say "You really should take her up on the offer of help, DEAR".....I stood as tall as my muscle spasms would allow, gathered my dignity, and exited stage right. As I stewed in my aging juices, I could almost hear Baby Growndy Up Girl saying with a shake of her head," Laugh at me, will ya? Karma is a swift Mistress!"
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