Well...why not?

    I needed to do some work that required space to spread out, so I left my office and set off down the hall. My destination? The Kindergarten Sunday School Room - I am a Children's Minister by day, Professional Actress/Singer by night. I dumped my materials on the table, and took a seat in a chair designed for a 5 year old (Most definately NOT for a 51 year old whose girth and knees have kept pace with the years that have marched past). I looked at the far wall to check the clock and was shocked to see that it read 2:23, when I knew it to be a  just a little after 10:00. On closer inspection, I realized that the clock  wasn't dead, it was stuck - the second hand drumming it's proper rhythm, but stuck against the 5 - constantly ticking, but never moving....marking time, so to speak. I was overcome with the sudden, unpleasant realization that I feel like that second hand - stuck in an endless rhythm...constantly beating, but going nowhere.
   I just sent my first born and only son off to College. My daughters are 16 and 13, and remarkably self reliant. For the last 19 years, Family and Home have been THE MOST IMPORTANT THING - the pulse that has fueled my every waking moment....yet I see my babies going - marching ever more swiftly and eagerly into their futures....while I am here, marking time....married for 24 years, and smack in the throes of what was once called Middle Age (Before the advent of political correctness, mind you)....I am a Mid Life Wife, wondering how these years went  by so fast. Years that were so full of laughter and hugs - fresh baked cookies and snuggles under the blanket - Harry Potter marathons and building Lego villages. Here I am, stuck, wondering what comes next...I know there must be something, but at the moment, for the life of me, I can't tell you what. I was thinking out loud the other day, and said that maybe I was going through the dreaded Mid Life Crisis....whereupon the 13 year old quickly and exuberantly asked "Cool - can we get a convertable?!"
   Before the orchestra starts tuning up with the opening bars of "Sunrise, Sunset", I have to figure this thing out. That's why, when my friend Cathy told me last night that I should write I blog, I said - "well, why not"? Because as sad as I may be right now....as weepy and dispirited as I am...I have something that clock doesn't have. I have the ability to "unstick" myself...I can push myself past my metaphorical "5" - all it takes is a deep breath, some gumption and a spark.....now to find it......