Now I lay me down to sleep....

   I knew it was too good to last. I have been super chill for the last week. Gathering books and supplies. Washing my clothes. Packing my beach towel, hat and sunscreen.
   It hit me about an hour ago....nerves gone wild.
   At sunup tomorrow (Sunday), I leave for a week of Silence.             Alone.           In Silence.
Yes, I will be at the beach. Yes, it will be lovely. Yes, there will be a couple of good Fried Seafood Meals, Yes there will be other people around me, but did I mention the Silently Alone part?!? (I even have a sign that says "SILENT". One for my eating table, and one to wear around my neck in case I walk into a speaking area )?!?

    After my Mother died, I started having frequent, vicious panic attacks. The two worst triggers? Malls and driving on the Highway. Go figure. This continued well into my 20's. I have since   overcome the Mall part, and I do fairly well on short stretches of Highway with which I am familiar, but the last time I drove as far as I will tomorrow....well - let's just say it wasn't pretty....I was 22.

   At 55 years of age, I have to confess that I have NEVER been anywhere alone. My Mom was the strongest woman I have ever known. (My baby girl comes in a pretty close second....just sayin) But for all of that strength, she was terrified of being alone. When my Dad was out of town, she would bring me into her bedroom, lock the door, turn the key sideways so a burgler couldn't push the key out, AND prop a chair under the door knob.....her fear imprinted on me, and, well.....I am 55 years of age, and have never been anywhere alone.

   The Silent Part....that I am not too worried about. The unplugged part......YIKES! I mean, I have Graduated Boy soontobe PeaceCorpsBoy working at a camp in the Mountains, Baby Girl off in far flung England, Babiest Girl working and getting ready for Senior Year, and then John to keep in line.....I manage them ALL with the unseen interwebs and WiFi's......What if they can all survive and thrive just fine without me watching, listening and typing?

  Bags are packed. A week's worth of Seltzer sits in the back seat of the car. I have taken my "Natural Calm"...a magnesium citrate fizzy powder that aides in relaxation before bedtime. (John got it off of the Interwebs). I guess the only thing left is to go upstairs and put my head on the pillow.

Now I lay me down to sleep, I must be silent for a week.
Alone and nervous I will be - I'm asking you to pray for me......