It was a little strange, knowing that the Check-In Lady would be the last person I spoke with for 5 days. She was lovely and sympathetic as she pulled my information and uttered..."Oh - a SILENT retreat." Quick as a wink, I had my map, my meal schedule and my key...."Good Luck", she said by way of farewell.
Room "H"....that was my destination. Beach Side - not Sound Side. I had been told that I would be able to hear the waves from the porch of my building. Little did I know, that the only time I would spend on that porch would be dashing in or out, as quickly and bravely as possible.
You see - Room "H" was housed in a cinder block building of 4 units that hold Instructors during the School Year, but they rent them out in Summer to those wanting more of a "no frills" experience. On the phone, making my arrangements, this sounded right up my alley. (This would be the time to recall that I am NO GOOD at being alone overnight....NO GOOD at all - and that is in my own HOME! I have never tried it somewhere else)
As I drove from Sound to Beach side, I had the passing thought "Room H - for Heaven, Health, for Happiness!".......Room H......Horrifying, Hideous, Heinous, Horrendous.....Haunted?! Built on top of an Indian Burial Mound?! OK, Fine - that doesn't start with H.
Isolated doesn't even begin to describe this place.....deep in the scrub oak Hammock, you walked through a tunnel carved out of the tree branches to get there. Sounds Romantic? Ummmmm......no. There was no one....anywhere. None of the other rooms were occupied. I had no cell service once I entered the covering of trees. I could hear the surf from the porch alright, but it was muffled by the knocking of my knees and the chattering of my teeth.
A quick inspection of my room turned up two beds,a straight chair, a closet, a bathroom with two doors - one of which led to the empty room next door....and the A.C. unit, which was more than likely my senior and sounded like the very gates of Hell (Oh - there's another "H" word) creaking open.
In true Scarlett fashion, I determined I would think about it later, put on my bathing suit and made the hike to the beach. I returned to "H" after supper. I read for awhile. Paced for awhile. Sat on the bed and listened to the night noises for awhile. After availing myself of a little liquid courage, I shoved the empty bed in front of the door leading outside....and thanks to my Mothers' early training of me, I knew enough to jam the straight chair under the doorknob of the bathroom door. More reading, more pacing. Around 2 AM, I fell into a fitful sleep which lasted until first light around 6.
I threw on clothes, went up to the beach, sat in the open air pavilion (Which truly WAS Heaven), and read until Breakfast. Beach until 11, more Pavilion, Lunch, Pool, Pavilion, Dinner. You see, I had everything I needed in my Beach Bag - no need to go into That. Room. I returned to the Pavilion after Dinner. It was then it came. The Storm. Violent and loud. Ominous and evil. I was covered by a roof, but exposed by the open sides. I have never felt so alone.....so bereft. For some reason, the Scripture about Paul and Silas came to my mind, and I focused on that....on the Selah song that starts "In prisoners chains, with bleeding stripes, Paul and Silas prayed that night...." I sang that song over and over in my mind........."Some midnight hour, if you should find You're in a prison in your mind, reach out and praise, defy those chains, and they will fall, In Jesus Name."
"A prison in my mind". That is what that night became. After an hour of huddling against the storm in that exposed place, rocking, praying, singing in silence, I took advantage of a slight break in the weather to run all the way down the hill....back to Room H. Breathless from the run, the weight of my beach bag and fear, I slammed the door behind me, just as the thunder and lightening resumed. The pounding rain sounded like an assault on the walls, the roof, my soul.....and there, in Room H I knew the true meaning of Psalm 55:4-5 - "My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fear and Trembling come upon me, and horror overwhelms me". I was trapped - in that room, in my head...in every fear that I have ever had. Other than 2 hours of repeated dozing off and jerking awake, I sat in that bed, back up against the cinder block, knees tucked in, praying, reading....tormented by an unrelenting sense of something dark. The storm raged all night, both in and out. My senses were razor sharp - I could taste the lightening....I could feel the thunder.
Just before dawn, I got out my journal, turned to the back and put pen to paper. On it, I outlined my difficult two nights, and asked for help - I saw that, in and of itself, as a sure sign of my distress. I asked to be moved to a room on the sound side, where I would be less isolated. If no rooms were available, I would pack up my car and head home.
At sunrise, I stood and opened the blinds and stared into the deep foliage that hemmed me in on all sides....the leaves covered with drops of leftover rain - turned to diamonds in the new light. I breathed a prayer of thanks for the daylight. As I packed my clothes and books, preparing to leave that room for good and ever, a sense of peace came upon me....a sense of a battle fought and won....a sense of being tested and proven.
After breakfast, I went to the office, passed my note to the lovely lady, and allowed myself to be comforted by her and others. A key for room 24 was pressed into my hand - a room as light as the first one was dark. The air as fresh as the other had been fetid. As peaceful as the other had been tormenting. I lay down on top of the bedspread, and fell into the sweetest sleep I have ever known. After an hour, I sat up - completely refreshed, renewed - in a sense, reborn.
" Fear and Trembling come upon me....horror overwhelms me."
"Some midnight hour, if you should find, You're in a prison in your mind, reach out and praise, defy those chains, and they will fall. In Jesus Name."
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